Showing posts with label Introspection. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Introspection. Show all posts

Wednesday, September 20, 2006

A Rage For Perfection

McEnroe

John McEnroe
"Needed to lose head to play good"

named his autobiography "A Rage For Perfection." As Harsha Bhogle recently quipped in an informal talk here, perhaps he was the only player who needed to lose his head to play better. I'm on hunt for the book, if you find one, don't think twice before dispatching it to me :-)

Anyway, the title got me thinking. Quite recently I've realised something about myself - I don't have the "rage for perfection." This is not to say mediocrity doesn't bother me, but competition surely doesn't. I'm not someone motivated by the vision of the accolades reserved for the highest achiever. Even from the very start, in school, I was never pushed for the first place, by me or by my folks. I was among the toppers, but rarely "the" topper. During my preparation days for JEE, I didn't use to think in "top 10, top 50" terms. Till the results came out, I thought anything in top 500 would be cool. Then in IIT, I let it go loose. Even afterwards, in my job, I never aspired to be the best or whatever. I wasn't bad, mind you :-), just not the best!

Does that mean achievements don't matter to me? My proudest achievement in recent times has been my success (however miniscule) in photography. I started with absolutely no credentials and did reasonably well. Many, many people have looked at my flickr account and praised my work. Nothing makes me more proud! Same for my blog; I started as another anonymous blogger. Now after some 1.5 years, I've got more than 50,000 hits. No mean feat :-) And mostly I have written whatever fancied me. Not for the readers, just for me.

So the way I've explained it to myself is that may be competition doesn't push me, but once I set my eye on some job and if I really enjoy doing it, then I do it well. And so well that, often I would emerge decently placed in the competition!

Just wanted to tell someone.

Thursday, June 08, 2006

Back to Home

Reached Jaipur on 5th morning. Since then, life has been laid back. Sleeping late, waking up early (!!), going for morning walks and sleeping again after that. Eating a lot and having long siestas during hot afternoons. Lots of TV - cricket & tennis. Soccer should start in some time. Meeting with lost acquaintances, uncles & aunts; explaining everytime what I was doing and what I am going to do. Taking all the insinuations about my marriage & elbow-in-ribs jokes from middle-aged uncles with a straight poker face.

Not all rosy, but closer to it. I'm loving it and praying it to end soon :-) Bundle of contradictions, eh?

Leaving for Calcutta on 23rd. Taking SpiceJet this time, after vowing to never take an Air Deccan flight again. That's a long story, some other time.

Be Good people,
- Varun

Wednesday, April 26, 2006

Inevitability

अंजाम अवश्यम्भावी

ज्यों कोई ताज़ा कली किसी मज़ार पर,
अधखिली, कोरी, कुँवारी,

ज्यों फैले हुए ओस के आखरी मोती,
सिमटते हुए पुराने पत्तों पर,

ज्यों कोई नाउम्मीद सी आवारा सुगंध,
फैली हो बयार में,

युँही सब खत्म होना है,
और पीने की प्यास में,
झुलसाती इस धूप में,
तमतमाती गर्म हवा से टकरा कर.
Hindi unicode doesn't get rendered well in FireFox. If you're having problem with the text (garbled text, obscure symbols) read the poem in this image file.

Sunday, April 09, 2006

The Times They Surely Are Changin'

Come gather 'round people
Wherever you roam
And admit that the waters
Around you have grown
And accept it that soon
You'll be drenched to the bone.
- "The times they are a-changin'", Bob Dylan
Friends getting married. Friends fathering babies. Of course, this is all very good and all that, but along with all the excitement & joy, it makes me feel old. Rather older than my mental image of myself. You know, you would think its just a few years ago I got out of school and one fine day, while filling some form, you see that you completed class 10th nine years ago. Nine years?! Yeah, that sinking feeling. The sand of time slipping out of the fist, and all those clichés. ".. And accept it that soon/You'll be drenched to the bone."

Another one of the torchbearers of bachelorhood (no pun intended) has bitten the dust. Close friend & wingmate from hostel days, Amit Jain, is getting married in Kota on 13th. I shall be there to see the stone sink. Should be back to Bangalore (and blogging) on 16th. By then, IIMs results are expected to be out. I'm keeping my fingers crossed.

Friday, April 07, 2006

..Main Hoon Kaun?

I'm positively bored with "Lies, Damned Lies & Blogs". Its funny (punny) in someways, but not really related to me in anyway. When I chose it, I didn't want to keep blogging suspended just for a name, so I chose this one. Just like that.

I'm not really narcissist kinds, so there go all the "Mogambo's Den", "Dr. No's Lair" and likes. This blog is not deeply related with any topic, like Bollywood or cricket or politics; the name should reflect that too. Above all the name should represent me well.

I'm hunting for some thing more quirky, more appropriate. Any suggestions? Do drop in a line or two.

Update: Some very interesting suggestions -

  • War-un Xing: I used to sign emails with this name for a while in college. Incidently, this is also the name of the central character of Vivek's best-seller coming out on Diwali. Which year, I don't know.
  • Blogivision / Prime Time Blogivision: Pun on television
  • Don Blogsco: Punny, very punny :-)
  • The Boy Who Cried Wolf: The title I earned in college
I got few other suggestions too. Thanks a lot bhai log, for your suggestions. I'm feeling kinda ashamed, but I still haven't found the best fit. :-( May be I'll leave it as it is, what's in a name anyway.

Saturday, March 25, 2006

Meter Down: Living as an Auto-Wallah.


(Norah or Ned?)
Couple of days back I watched a program on TV about the author of the book "Self-Made Man", Norah Vincent. The book chronicles the 18 months Norah spent posing as a man, Ned. In her own words, Norah wanted to know "what it means to be a man". With her buddies on the bowling league she enjoyed the rough and rewarding embrace of male camaraderie undetectable to an outsider. A stint in a high-octane sales job taught her the gut-wrenching pressures endured by men who would do anything to succeed. She frequented sex clubs, dated women hungry for love but bitter about men, and infiltrated all-male communities as hermetically sealed as a men's therapy group, and even a monastery. After living as Ned for 18 months, Vincent's overall finding was that being a man is no better or easier than being a woman. Men, she tells us, have problems, fears, and societal pressures, too. Vincent decrees that the only emotion that society allows men is anger.

Fascinating stuff, isn't it? While it's the first study of its kind introduced to me, quite a few such studies have resulted in similar books. For example, Black Like Me by John Howard Griffin - he spent some time as a black in New Orleans to study racial discrimination closely; Nickel and Dimed: On (Not) Getting By in America by Barbara Ehrenreich - a study about millions of Americans working for poverty-level wages, working as one. I haven't read any of these book, but would love to.

I don't know what they call this kind of journalism; its not a sting operation, its not a routine interview-story. Whatever it is, I would love to see something similar in India. I had a thought some days back about the auto-rickshaw wallahs & how their lives turn out to be. It would be very interesting to spend some time as an auto-wallah & then share those experiences. Auto-wallahs do live an interesting life. They work mostly at odd & tiring hours; they interact with tens of different people daily. Its interesting, but definitely not an easy life. I'm sure they have their share of anxieties & problems. And one have to literally be in their shoes to know them. So far, Bangalore's auto-wallahs haven't left a very good impression on me. Most of them would haggle endlessly for money (outside the metered charges), they drive like manics & their autos are perhaps the biggest contributors towards the pollution in the city. I hope they have some kind of explaination for such a coarse behaviour, otherwise after spending some time as a autowallah, all that would come out would be - "Oh! They just love to be jerks".

May be the driving seat of an auto isn't very comfortable, thus causing the maniacal driving. Or perhaps they all suffer from some kind of mental disorder, so they consider themselves the kings of the roads (Long Live the King, rest get insured). Perhaps its all just some kind of inferiority complex - "haha! Earn as much as you want, we'll still haggle with you for chutta paisa". They could have some sort of Auto Wallahs' Book of World Records - "Manjunath drove from MG Road to Airport in record 12.37 minutes, killing just two pedastrains in the process" Or "Anees Abbas bumped into record 212 cars in the first week of buying his Auto". They might have some kind of gangsters, who'd torture the good natured auto-wallahs, who behave nicely with passengers & take the exact amount. "Chutta chahiye to pehle us aadmi se chutta le ke aao, jis ne mere haath pe ye likh diya - Mera Baap Imaandar Auto Wallah Hai Tha" or "Shyamlal, bahut imaandar banta hai na, ye dekh - teri biwi aur teri beti ko humne juke box se latka diya hai. Ya to tu passenger ko chutta de de ya jukebox mein chutta daal ke inko bacha le".

Whatever it is, I want to know it. Perhaps, I will spend sometime as an auto-wallah some day :-)